Some Thoughts About Decisions, Dreams, Words and Big Sur

jon99bw1Decisions, Decisions…

Time is a map and we build upon it with our dreams and decisions. Every thing we do, and every action we engage in has an effect upon ourselves and on the world around us.

The abstract expressionist painter Robert Motherwell wrote that a painting is the result of thousands of decisions. If you have ever been involved with the creative process (and who hasn’t) you’ll understand what he meant.

We each do the same thing with our lives, make decision after decision, choice after choice… you can not avoid that responsibility. Even if we delude ourselves into thinking someone else has control over my life, I still have the responsibility for how I react and the decisions I make based on other peoples choices that affect me.

In hockey it works like this; the referee might let a little infraction slide, but if a player takes matters into his own hands and retaliates, most likely he’ll end up in the penalty box. I think most parents will understand the social management wisdom on the part of the referees.

In this world people will offend you, will cut you off on the road, will cut in line, smile to your face and then stab you in the back, cheat on you, lie to you, steal from you and worse… why, because we’re all becoming human beings, and in this world you will have suffering. That’s not my original thought – every great religion will point that out and you don’t have to live long to experience the truth of the matter…

But that is not the end of it – you have choices, and you have dreams.

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Quail’s Nest – The Video

Here’s a video (see below) I made back in 2006 for a client of mine – I was a freelance graphic artist at the time, having left the Gazette Newspapers in January of 2006 after 6 years in the art department.

I met this client – Erik Bueno, a local real estate agent – when I was working at The Gazette, and after we became friends he offered us (Tania and I) a chance to go up to Carmel and stay at his cottage, the Quail’s Nest. (We got to go up again this last October for our anniversary… you might remember my post from then…)

We made a video of our trip and sent Erik a copy… and when I moved on to freelance work, he hired me (us) to go back up to The Nest and shoot another video… and paid me too…

Well, you too can go stay at the Quail’s Nest… Erik has launched a site to take reservations and this is the video I made for him is on it… you can find that here.

Quail’s Nest – A Short Tour

[media id=33 width=500 height=350]

(the button on the right side of the player, between the time and the volume control, will make the video full screen size)

Video Length 15:07


  • Intro
  • Quail’s Nest – the tour
  • Quail’s Nest – the garden
  • Erik’s Favorite Walk
  • Walking to Carmel and Dog Beach
  • Point Lobos
  • The Monterey Aquarium
  • Big Sur
  • Closing and Credits

note: yes I know there is a misspelled word in the video…

Long Depressions and a Life of Cycles

It may seem like I’ve disappeared, but I’m still here… weathering a long storm of depression.

This storm started back in late April, and has come and gone in waves, in cycles within cycles.

I should be use to this by now, but I never get used to it, always hoping that the blue sky days will last, but knowing there’s always another storm coming.

The spring storms are very unpredictable.

Some years it’s like a rushing, fresh breeze of creativity and new activities. Other years it comes like a cruel north wind, and I find myself tied to the mast just to make it to the early summer break when my next big shift comes.

I’ll be 45 in two weeks, on the 18th.

I’ve had depressions and manias since I was a child (something I’ve come to understand over the last few years), and actively dealing with my mood-swings for the last eleven years.

After all this time I’ve become somewhat familiar with the cycles and seasons of my inner landscape, and the strange weather patterns of storms that ravage and shape that landscape.

But that doesn’t make it any more pleasant at Depression Ground Zero, or help my daily attempt at making something out of the dreams and visions in my head.

So for days I hide out on the sofa, watching shows on the History Channel about UFOs and Ancient Civilizations, reading news stories on my laptop from the Huffington Post, and sleeping, lots of sleeping…

When I have energy I volunteer at a Medical Marijuana collective here in Long Beach called AAC – Apothecary’s Assistants Collective and take photos for a project of mine called The MMJ Project (MMJ is short for Medical Marijuana).

I’m glad for my project and volunteer work because it gets me out of the apartment, and around people.

Of course, there’s more to it than that… but left to my own devices to avoid the pain of depression I will disappear into a world of deep thoughts, MMJ, meditations and TV and ignore the rest of the world.

So, getting me outside of myself is a good thing – especially during these storms.

There’s my update from this last month or so…

Hopefully I’ll reach more peaceful weather soon and be able to write about some interesting visions I’ve had during these storms (the visions are the only rewards sometimes for traveling through these storms) and the stories that have been weaving their way through my daily existence.

Until later, best of health,
Jon, onehumanbeing