From a musical that will never be written (most likely)…
The Transfiguration of Newt
Standing above a gathering of his followers, Newt was transfigured before their eyes into a being of brilliant light, and assembled with him were a host of corporate and media talking heads.
A great American flag came down from heaven in a thunderous display of patriotic fervor.
Newt’s followers quickly built an altar and camped there one week.
The Crucifixion of Newt
Later on, in an effort to win the Republican nomination, Newt had himself nailed, face-first, to a large olive wood cross.
However, the act of self-sacrifice did little to resurrect his presidential campaign…
After many days, a strange photograph appeared showing the crucified Newt submerged in a jar of what was said to be “artist’s urine.”
His campaign released a statement saying the photo was “blasphemous”, “the work of deranged NEA artist types”, “probably funded by a Romney SuperPAC”, and “clearly shows unorthodox American values that undermine the sanctity of church and state”, etc., etc…
The artist Andres Serrano, who was the target of Newt’s attack on the NEA back in the 1990’s for his photograph called Piss Christ, was not contacted for comment, and is not believed to be responsible for this latest piece.