The Turning – Helter Skelter

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The Dream of the Two-Headed Dragon

I remember the comfort… spread out like a blanket in the quiet dreams, and rest, and wisdom, and communion, everywhere, nowhere – the only existence.

I remember when I was the universe, before the journey that crossed your path – when all of time was one instant, one symphony.

It was you that woke me, it was your story that called me across the ages. You were my gravity. You were my reason to wake…

Your story came to me on a wave, on a memory, on the resonating notes of a string pluck so long ago… A string that resonated and hummed to life sending out ripples and waves, that sent out a song that woke all the strings within me that had gone quiet… and they started to hum with your song.

I had told you long ago we would never be apart, and at the edge of never, your song, your gravity called me back...

The Building Blocks of Life

There are many people that can tell you how the world is seen and known, but this story is about the unseen and the unknown and the pieces that have come together to form the small symphony of waves, sounds, connections, systems, worlds and galaxies that move around with me.

What is a human being? I wonder if we even know…

Biologically, I’m a union of billions of individual cells that form a manifestation of personal intelligence which creates what you see as my body.

My body is really borrowed organic material that will someday return to the stream of earth life, while life, the person I know as myself, will grow and evolve into… what?

The organic material that feeds my little personal galaxy was created from the death of stars, the death of plants, the death of billions of organic creatures that came before me. I was formed in the womb of death and destruction and it has given birth to life and creation.

But this story of life is not about the natural cycle of organic life and death, but about the life which is something more, something much bigger.

Life is not something you can own – it’s a story that has been given to you, it is your sparking moment to be born, your moment in eternity to come alive, to form as a soul, to become a flame that burns on and on.

From the moment of my birth the chains of civilization were wrapped around me. I was stamped with the mark. With punishments and rewards I learned to ignore the nourishment of my soul and to cage it in a box of fears and anxieties. Unless I wore the mark and conformed to the civilization I was born into, I could not earn my daily bread and water needed to continue my organic life.

Everyone of us is born a slave into the world system, and none can escape it unless their spark becomes a flame, unless they become a soul that is alive, unless they sacrifice their organic life for that something “other” – that other kind of life.

How Did I Get Here?

Do you wonder if your time here is a accident of the great cosmic comedy?

Did you know it took years of genetic work, generations actually, to create you?

Has anyone told you that your time was appointed; as were your talents, skills, hungers, desires, strengths and weaknesses, so that you could accomplish the dream inside you?

Has anyone told you that the dream you keep burying inside yourself is your spark and the voice of the story that has been given you, and what’s going on around you is mostly illusions and distractions?

Helter Skelter  – or  – Riding The Bipolar Coaster

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When I was very young I used to dream of being able to ride endlessly on a roller coaster. I loved roller coasters, the ups and downs and all the funny ways it made my body feel. I felt alive on a roller coaster.

I would imagine in my dream that I had won some kind of prize that allowed me to ride the roller coaster over and over again, just waved on through each time the ride came to an end and back out onto the track, around and around, up and down, up and down.

Now, at age 45, and after 10 years of battling the symptoms of bipolar disorder with endless pharmaceutical drugs, I wonder if the dream I had as a child was a glimpse into my future, the place I am now. Now I ride a bipolar coaster, like I’m strapped in and I can’t get off of this ride – it never stops – I just go round and round again.

At age five it was a dream that has become twisted over the last forty years into an illness… a mental illness. Is it a prize and a dream or is it a mental illness? Have I been missing out on something amazing about myself or am I really just broken machinery?

End of Helter Skelter – Part One

To be continued…

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Thoughts From The Day… on Suffering

“it is through our suffering that we are refined and defined…”

Jon, onehumanbeing

Sometimes life is like the hammer coming down on the chisel, or that is how it seems to me as I go through the ups and down of living with bipolar disorder, not to mention the regular daily struggles…

To enlarge this thought I’m going to have to jump to another idea first:

The way I see things starts with my belief in God. I believe in a God who is larger that the Universe, larger than any number of Universes that can exist, larger than the Big Bang and evolution and not opposed to them as methods of creation and change. I believe God is way bigger than what I can conceive.

To give you the basic outline – I believe in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and I believe that the hope of Israel already lives, and is the ascended Messiah, Jesus.

I grew up as the son of a theologian and minister/teacher… I lived church from a very young age, and have many, many years of walking with this God I believe in – so to begin to know me you must know this is where everything begins…

And what does this have to do with that quote up at the top of this post? Just background material to give you an idea of how I think.

I listened to Gang of Four today while driving over to the MMJ dispensary to take photos and the lyrics to one of the songs said “How you think changes how you act” which is true in my opinion. How I think is built on my faith, which is built on my God, and changes how I act…

Suffering… How many people wish they could be God for a day and eliminate all the suffering in the world? No one likes it, it’s painful, and it has no point.

My worldview makes me see things very different. Though I do not desire suffering for myself or anyone else, it’s still going to happen. It’s pretty inevitable in a world of over 6 billion people all running on their own agenda. Some toes are gonna get stepped on, people are gonna get hurt, it’s just going to happen. Jesus said it would. He said in the gospel of John that “in this life you will have troubles…” but our troubles, our sufferings, don’t have to destroy us… they don’t have to be just pointless pain.

And to go back to where I started – what may look like suffering is just the fall of the hammer on the chisel, the strike of the master artist at work preparing His creation for it’s work. I believe in something after this life, and that the same detailed artist that created everything spent the same attention in creating me.

I don’t just think this as a nice religious thought that doesn’t have anything to do with reality… I’ve been actively watching the process for the last ten years at work in my life and have become spectacularly amazed at the ways in which God can and will work.

Ten years ago I was nothing more than a large block of stone in the workshop. Quarried and dragged to the master’s studio over the years. Then one day in early 1998 the hammer came down against the chisel, and this small, barely noticeable situation that always benefited me as an artist in the past, exploded into a large depression and a seemingly endless ride on the bipolarcoaster.

Ten years of sculpting. Finished yet? Not even close, but some much closer than ten years ago. Do I wish I could get off this ride? All the time. But I also want to stick around and see how this turns out, and what gets made from all this hammering…

To be continued…