My Personal Cognitive Matrix

Note: This post comes after many months of contemplation and is based upon theories which are under development, but I find very interesting and I want to share my thoughts so far on this concept I call my “Personal Cognitive Matrix.”

Keep in mind as you are reading that everyone has their own personal cognitive matrix. In this post I share examples from my own life just for illustration purposes.

Introduction To My Personal Cognitive Matrix

I used to assume that the world looked the same to everyone. I thought the way I saw the world was the same way everyone else was seeing things. I was wrong about that…

In many ways, for many years, I naively assumed that everyone also had the same values I do, felt the same rage at injustice that drives so many of my projects, looked for the same beauty I seek, desired compassion, truth, idealism, etc. – all the little pieces of personality or my “self” that make up my personal cognitive matrix.

My view of things started to radically change when I was 33 and found out I have bi-polar disorder. For the first time I really became concretely aware that I was experiencing a world in a very different way than many of the people around me.

Sure, it all looks the same, but the perceptions are very different for each of us, very subjective and subject to change.

In the post ahead I’m going to go back to the basics and explain some of the elements in my thinking process, and look at how I see my personal cognitive matrix constructed.

Personal Cognitive Matrix Defined

Personal – Of, affecting, or belonging to a particular person rather than to anyone else.

Cognitive – Of, or pertaining to, the mental processes of perception, memory, judgment, and reasoning, as contrasted with emotional and volitional processes.

Matrix – An environment or material in which something develops.

Personal Cognitive Matrix is a phrase I have created to describe the world “as I know it to be” separate from the world “as we all know it to be”  – which is  very different from the world “as it really is.”

My personal cognitive matrix is built from many things like my spirit and my relationship to the greater “super-consciousness”, but the beginning is my most basic relationships – where did I enter this world – what time, what day and where on the planet?

What were the relationships I was born into, family-wise, socially, and cosmically?

My Birth, The Stars And Then Everything…

Above: My Birth-sky – Here is a image showing where the Sun was at the moment of my birth in relation to my main planet Mercury (between the Horns of the Heavenly Bull), as well as Venus, Mars, Jupiter, my two dogs Canis Major and Canis Minor, the cradle of the slingshot of the Shepherd Auriga and the battle club of Orion, and most importantly – my birth sign, Gemini. The day after I was born Venus rose as the morning star…

I was born on Thursday afternoon, June 18, 1964 at 2:14 in Glendale, California.

My mother was checked into the second hospital in Glendale California she had been to in the last couple of days, during which time my Dad had gotten a new job, and the family moved from one house to another.

Maybe because I was born a Gemini I needed two hospitals to be born in, but when I came home I was, for my family, a new baby in a new home, son number three, and child number five.

My parents called me their “Holy Spirit Baby” because they had been “baptized in the Holy Spirit” around the same time I was conceived. This had a large impact on my life growing up.

And I was born during a time of great social change.

Born Under The Sign Of The Twins

As I mentioned (and I’m sure it’ll come up again) I was born in the sign of Gemini, with the Sun at the foot of Castor, one of the twins which make up the Gemini sign, Pollux being the other twin.

In the myths, Castor and Pollux were born to Leda after Zeus seduced her in the form of a swan. Castor was born human and Pollux was born divine.

When Castor was killed Pollux pleaded with his father Zeus to allow him to share his immortality with his twin, and raise him from the dead. Zeus agreed and together they became the constellation we know as Gemini in the night sky (this is the really short version of the story).

Anyone who has a Gemini friend knows the reality of two twins sharing an existence together in one body. We are the mercurial ones who naturally shift quickly from one mood to another like an ever changing breeze.

On my astrological chart, Gemini is everywhere – Gemini and Mercury.

When I was born Mercury rested between the horns of Taurus, the great bull of the heavens (shown below).

Spirit and Intention

In my meditations over the last couple of weeks I’ve been thinking of the words “Spirit” and “Intention” as interchangeable. Here’s some phrases I wrote down that illustrate this idea:

My spirit is my intention and vice-verse.

Intention is what animates us and moves the spirit in us.

The Holy Spirit is the Holy Intention of God.

When I do things with intention my spirit becomes engaged.

In my thinking I picture this spirit energy and intention as emanating from our hearts like a giant magnetic field which surrounds our whole body, and out a couple of feet – what we normally feel as our “personal space.” (see illustration below)

Spirit/Intention is different from consciousness – which includes a broad range of awareness/states we experience.


Most of the time when I’m sitting and thinking, my personal consciousness is engaged with the greater “super-consciousness” along with my intention/spirit, which is floating in this realm of the greater “super-consciousness”.

I see it as a morphic field without confining barriers (it doesn’t just exist inside me, but rather it’s a field that runs through every conscious thing) – like a great sea, but not of water, just created from the field of the energy of existence – also known as “chi.”

My personal consciousness seems to be anchored (primarily) with the pineal gland in the center of my brain, but each of my cells seems to participate is this process too, even though I don’t understand this very well – that’s just my intuitive feeling.

My personal connection to consciousness seems to be a complete body experience, while at other times it’s merely tethered to my body by it’s connection to my pineal gland. This is a strange science indeed – and we are just at the beginning stages of studying this fascinating part of reality.

Below: this is a rough sketch from my notebook showing the magnetic field that originates in our hearts and surrounds us like much like the Earth’s magnetic field. The wavy lines show how our personal fields tend to sublimely interact with one anther in the “greater super-consciousness.”

These two parts (intention/spirit and consciousness) seem to work together, or not, to create my individual human experience which is somewhat porous and can receive outside conscious information.

These two parts of myself combine with where I physically exist in time and space, which also includes the cosmic influences on me because of the place and time of my birth, and together, all this helps to form my Personal Cognitive Matrix I live in everyday. And everyone around me is having their own similar experience – similar, but very different.

This is the beginning of my postings on this subject – we still need to add the “soul” into the mixture, but I save that for a later posting.

of clothes, NOW – the poem

About This Word Collage – of clothes, NOW

This collage was created in the mid-1990’s. The original materiel for this collage were done on sailcloth stretched over a silkscreen frame. The collage was measured off into 6″ x 4″ pieces, cut out and mounted in a book created for them.

From there I decipher the poem that goes with these beautiful, little pieces of Dada-eques art – maybe even more Jungian than Dada…

Either way, enjoy exploring this world called of clothes, NOW

The poem created from all the various pieces;

Part One

of clothes. Now

Warning: use your noodle
In case of Fierce Mountain Gorilla

DURING Playing Dirty
When? “Right now,” I said.
If not ordering,
see Official Rules for Entry Details.

” Because it’s such a big deal now –
everybody crying at every turn – I wanted people to know I had a sense of humor.”
” I’m not capable of shooting films

Part Two


Now he can begin to position fluidity to it
that has not been altered by past interventions.”

She got more tauntingly beautiful every year.
Became the priestess of a religion
with no name or dogma.
Dressed the part,
in black capes
and dresses
and Spanish hats.

The basic tip is with one hand abortion of flight
when a sudden down air current forces the
So What Frisbee to the ground.

My snowman won’t even Talk to yours!

Didn’t your father ever tell you about this stuff?
Absolutely the finest atlas in the world is published by the Times, cost $175.

Note: ”Scroop•. That’s the technical m
to denote the rustling sound
for having recommended that
I’m turning his head the other way
to put ( someone under

We slice every pie
so you think you’ve got the biggest slice
Remains more

So, Jerry, We We
Just Wondering…

Part Three

submissive – gave way it’s power

Blissed out Red Star
My Zolar is flimsy

Then look
My snow had to farther yours
They should be equal

” only beloved.”
Make your snowman’s arm longer.
His hand won’t reach my snowman’s hand.
Walking 6 miles on the beach before breakfast.
( As healthy as running, Switzerland had more sperm
Or for when you know perfectly well, and more to
think about than what to where. Who picks up the
kids at kindergarten, buys the mother-in-law
birthday card and does all the personal stuff.
Says a Hollywood assistant, who, of blackheads,
batted my eyes at my eyes in the mirror, scratched
at various strategic spots on my body, brushed my
hair to bring out the last reluctant wave.)

” Home,” he said.
” Home is the hotel?” I said.

whole grains can
at the Ready
fresh produce, fish and highway speeds.

Earlier signaling maybe
sons cost 25 cents.

Part Four

Lindberghs’ Baby Kidnapped

Like to go?
Peary reached th’ North Pole?

We saw Elvis on the Freeway
in a yellow Chevy
a ’68 Malibu
and the front tire was wobbly.

Fresh Mushrooms
8 oz. pkg. – each
Chill ( a master at taking them he weighed. the More Diamonds at the annual weighing. And that’s just Saturday. A weekend like this once required a station wagon)

it’s a one bag weekend

a tetanus chaser
the chive
without being alive
Little Brother.

Part Five


The entire city of San Francisco goes on strike to support the longshoremen.

” Look, there’s been a lengthy processions of Lindas before this Linda, but Freddie’s always played it smart, he’s never exposed Ethel to any of his numerous fair ladies.

So… I didn’t mention Linda.”
For there stood Clumsy

“No. I think it’s Nick Wallace, personally.”
Among other not-for-attribution tales of indignity:
When the Famous Screenwriter is visiting the Famous Actor’s house
lively-backhand, sidearm, under-

By Jack Smiles (June ”Atlantic”),

Part Six

” That dress is almost just so,” she said of last year’s jumper
“How about like this?”
fashion’s advocates or it’s censors.

The politics of the runway are unabashedly confrontational
and equal lighting.
When so viewed,
the cracked Frisbee is a serious problem.

Workplace itself,
where the work itself is
the arm swing is straight from the …
a smell of it’s own.

Try it sometime. Lie down
” You love me?”
” I love you.”
” Oh Bruce,” Sara said.
” I’ve got to be in Court,” Bruce said.”On one of those pre-Lent in combination of hand to foot of Chinese leader Mao Tse-tung; he died 43 days later.”

Part Seven

Favorite Things.

This is the shirt he was wearing.
Rent parties. Friends come over,
put in two bucks each,
have a swell time.

Boulevards each sorely this stretch needs restoration. Once part of historic Route 66, Europe doesn’t operate this way. They don’t permit boredom to drive them to tear down cathedrals and build some modern abomination. In it’s place, useful ideas like vests.

Man on the Freeway,
his eyes were a crack of thunder
Who wants what with their eggs?
a rusty nail with sour cream, without is like living life on a rug.

Part Eight

Kings and Achievers

As soon as I set up the funding, I’ll come east and we’ll talk business!

Backpack and Budget carnival.
Staring out the train window.
rance whistling by…hmm,
how would the chateau look over ”there?

I wasn’t quiet sure
what is the strangest thing about him?

Q: among politicians – Democrat and Republican – You shake the sectional shaft magically into place (tough the sulfur compounds that gives the bulb it’s in-your-face aroma. The filmy old eyes in the sun burnt young face tried to blink away tears.)

Page Nine

Light Your Fuses : Men 20 years ago

sox need mending
soon their life be ending
NE Es ulna

“Mr. Duff,” I said ” I’m a schmuck. Forgive me..”
“Will it help you?”
“I’ll do what the hell I can.”
“Thank you.”
“Forget it. You paid me, didn’t you?”
“Naw, I don’t think so.”

I poured for myself.
He poured for himself
We both drank.

Lady Day horse replay’m
Could use more of that spirit today

Above: Gallery of Selected Images from of clothes, NOW